Tuesday, June 7, 2011

How UPS allowed me to realize that I am capable of managing my anxiety

Alternate title: Ode to my Smartphone
Bear with me.
So you know how I had to turn in my FINAL portfolio by 5pm today, right? So with the 35 minute drive to my university, between stuff I had to finish up at work and having to pick up Dylan and then the "Oh my gosh I'm so hungry" stop at McDonald's, we were cutting it close until I hit.... (dun dun dun).. the TRAFFIC on I-75 S (funny how quickly I forget these things). Sidenote to self: avoid commutes at all costs.

I'm just going to add the disclaimer here that I in no way work for or am compensated by any smartphone companies.. because the tale I am about to tell may sound like one long ad for a smartphone. BUT IT SAVED MY LIFE.
Okay, so old me would be all "Oh my god, death! despair! panic! I cannot make it to school on time and I will never get my certification and then I will die alone on the street, homeless."
BUT new me has a smartphone and has learned to manage her anxiety! SO! I use my smartphone to first look up the e-mail sent by the secretary and call her directly by the simple touch of a button. I explain to her that I am in traffic and she's all, "Nope, leaving at 5, sucks to be you!" No she didn't really say that, and I can certainly understand needing to leave at a certain time but seriously you don't need to be all robot about it.

Please keep in mind I am at I-75 and 11 mile at this point, and it is 5pm. The whole getting-to-school-on-time thing was not happening.

I almost panicked. A little. But then I used my SMARTPHONE (insert some superhero theme song or something here) and used Google to find the number to the UPS store near our home. Please keep in mind it is 5pm and I am at 11 mile and there.is.traffic. Oy vey.

So I call UPS near our home and calmly ask if I ship something overnight, can it get to Detroit by 10AM tomorrow? And THANK THE LORD JESUS, it can! By golly!

Caveat: Must get there by 6pm for this to happen. Oh.

Now I am faced with the challenge of getting from 11 Mile to our home in a matter of 45 minutes. BUT ALAS, enter the SMARTPHONE (superhero music.. yadda yadda). I pull up my GPS and am all, "TAKE ME TO THE NEAREST UPS... pleeeeease." The SMARTPHONE TOOK ME TO THE NEAREST UPS. No joke. I nearly kissed the UPS employee and told them a million times that they saved my ass, when I arrived at UPS a mere 15 minutes later (hooray for the smartphone!). I shipped that brick for the low low cost of $40 (ouch) and it is on its way to be reviewed, critiqued, and ripped apart ONE. LAST. TIME.

AND Dylan was entertained by several rounds of Angry Birds on the way home ON MY SMARTPHONE.

I got home at 6:30, ate a gallon of Butterfinger ice cream and swore up and down I will never. ever. ever. go through school again.

Morals of the story:

1) I am finally able to handle stressful situations in a rational and calm manner. WE ALL SURVIVED me almost not turning my final portfolio in. Look at that!

2) Dear Smartphone, I'm so sorry for anything bad I ever said about you. I totally understand that you need to take rests and not like, actually make phone calls or turn on from time to time, but you are there when I need you. And for that, I love you. I may want to marry you. You saved my ass, is all I'm sayin'.

3) No more grad school. Ever.

No comments:

Post a Comment